#and realized it isnt described exactly as i remember it but oh well

[anosci]

(91-105 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8])

names and thoughts below cut

91/ KNOWER - Think Thoughts (2011) peppy! bright and loud! well ok that might not be true for every track, but like. slapping those fakebrass chords feels great. shining characteristic.

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92/ Photek - Avalanche / 101 (2011) (i have decided to be extra harsh on dnb) …oh its not dnb. actually this is a case where each track is stronger than the last. i didnt rly care for "Avalanche" but "Slowburn" is hitting HARD.

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93/ Photek - Aviator EP (2011) i guess ive missed a few chapters of photek because this aint dnb. to my ears its hella 2011 but thats not inherently bad. overall i just think this one's ok. it kinda looks like a companion to Avalanche/101, and...sorry but i love that one far more

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94/ Kryptic Minds - Can't Sleep (2011) dark! id call it ukdubstep but it clearly isnt. peak nighttime music tho. good shit

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95/ Floating Points - Shadows (2011) the above is possibly the most apt word cloud for the sound of the ep. gentle punch. sleepy even. exactly the level of chillout i need.

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96/ Joseph Nothing Orchestra - Super Earth (2011) joseph nothing has a melodic style that sits just right with me, coupled with a really playful ear for sound design. im happy to see it still hits just as hard a decade after his debut

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97/ Secret Mommy - The Mall (2011) exactly what i remember 2011 sounding like. clicky choppy something. i feel like i enjoy this nostalgically now, instead of directly. like a layer of abstraction. kinda odd to realize.

--- April ---

98/ Towa Tei - Sunny (2011) this feels like that soulful type of uh… what do you call shakatak? that thing. but towa tei. really poppy sometimes. generally all over the place. i'd describe it as "peak sunshine music" which is funny because the album title agrees

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99/ VA - Attaxolotls: Amphibious Fisticuffs Anthology Album (2023) a grab bag of styles and vibes. plenty of slappers. 2 specific hilites that make me want to type exclamation marks: "Arcadia Prime" "Minor Infraction"

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100/ Ryuichi Sakamoto - CHASM (2004) a beautiful album that simultaneously embraces intimate acoustics and some of the dsp trends that ive noticed in 2004. a touch of oval, even? it's a really lovely take. im not a huge fan of the vocals but that's entirely personal preference.

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101/ Ryuichi Sakamoto - Bricolages (2006) remix comp version of CHASM. surprised at how each song has a similar essence, but i unanimously prefer ryuichi's take on the tunes with rapping. that aside, i love how unabashedly ELECTRONIC this feels.

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102/ Asking Alexandria - Stepped Up And Scratched (2011) vocals :\ wobs :) yeah idk im just not vibing with the metal side. the wob side is fun as a nostalgic romp but even then... eh. HOWEVER: "To The Stage (Bare)".

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103/ nagz - Good (2020) the album lives up to its name. future music that you just don't get anywhere else. for me this feels like a sequel to hringur, in that I think that was the last EP to make me feel like this.

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104/ Nondi_ - Flood City Trax (2023) incredibly shocked at how well this fits after nagz, at least in timbre. future sounds. alternatively: it embodies the "for vibin" attitude that early 90s warp/rephlex had, but applies it to modern styles. im into it.

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105/ Selfmademusic - Kinema Ikon Soundtracks Remixed (2008) shimmering, lingering electric soundscapes. hazy, but specifically the warm summer haze that you see on urban roads.

[mag200]

MAG97: We All Ignore the Pit

charcoal & ink // kofi

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[ambthecreative]

DESTIEL RANT! Unpopular Opinion Time - The Scene was NOT Homophobic

Wow. It’s BEEN YEARS! And yet here I am again! I have returned to my Tumblr roots, rambling about Supernatural again! I have come full circle! Summoned by three words spoken by the Angel of the Lord we all knew and loved. But lets get down to business.  Everyone’s going crazy. They either loved it, hated it, loved/hated it, hated/loved it, etc.  Even people who never watched an episode felt the need to add their two cents without any context or with extreme bias.  So here’s the observations from a former Supernatural Fan and intense DESTIEL SHIPPER, but also one who has stopped watching it cause omfg it sucks so bad now. My bias comes from both angles and thus neutralizes each other out xD Obviously, spoilers for Episode 18 of Season 15 of Supernatural lay ahead.  ~~~

(TL;DR: The scene wasn’t bad because it was forced or homophobic. It was neither.  The scene was bad because of long term poor plotting, repetitive character arcs and horrendous timing and execution. That said, my shipping heart is just happy that it happened at all. <3 ) ONWARDS! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets just get to the point. At first glance, that scene looks extremely homophobic and when it was first described to me (I haven’t watched the show since Season 9), it appears that is indeed the case.  And you can make a STRONG case for it to, if you watched that scene and knew of all the fucking queer bait we had to live through before getting here.  But I watched the entire episode. And I think this is key.  Cause while it’s easy to say its all homophobic, that’s not actually what was happening.  The truth is, the episode is a set up for the ending.  Sure it seems to be framed that Castiel is sent to the Empty for being gay, but that’s the bias talking.  Contextually, Castiel is sent to the Empty for being Truly Happy.  Also EVERYONE dies.  Funny how no one is up in arms that Charlie’s GF got poofed at the very start of the episode.  Not gay enough for it to count? Like she literally made her girlfriend breakfast and they were flirting, and boom she was gone FOREVER, not sent to a place where people have come back from before, but with NO EVIDENCE of them being alive at all.  Dead. Gone.  But no one says a damn thing.  And then EVERYONE died.  THEN Cas died.  And yet everyone got like temporary amnesia and its like, “CASTIEL WAS KILLED FOR BEING GAY!!!” That’s...not what happened tho.  What’s really sad is the moment with Castiel was actually a GREAT plot point/twist, if only they had done it better.  NO ONE would be saying SHIT if Castiel had been a woman. NO ONE.  Or at least, they would mostly see it as tragic than anything else.  But because Castiel is making a homosexual love confession, it must BE because he’s GAY! It’s really ironic.  Judging that scene as homophobic is ACTUALLY homophobic* (not really, but i can’t think of a better word).  Or at least you’re judging the scene by their sexuality and not by what is actually going on.  Now I remembered something after thinking about this scene for a while.  THIS PLOT POINT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE IN ANOTHER EVEN MORE ICONIC SHOW!!! Now bear with me cause I never watched the whole thing, only the bits and pieces my roommate shared with me.  But the whole “I am cursed to suffer a terrible fate if I ever experience true happiness” has been done before.  And where was that?

Spoilers for Buffy by the way.  SO! To all those who are still trying to spin this as platonic, you need to watch more shitty afterschool 90s supernatural TV shows.  In season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Buffy’s good vampire boyfriend, wakes up evil because he had a moment of true happiness.  And this dooms the couple.  NOW. Do you call this...heterophobia???? Oh I hear you! “But Angel didn’t die and he and Buffy got to be romantic and actually have sex before that shit went down! Not the same thing!” TRUE. I didn’t really bring this up to make an argument that the scene/show isn’t homophobic (or at least they are very uncomfortable with it), but rather I wanted to make a point that the PLOT POINT is not at all homophobic and is actually really awesome.  The issue with the scene is the execution.  That moment between Cas and Dean should have happened SEASONS ago or at the VERY LEAST earlier in this FINAL season, and not right at the very end. The other reason why it worked so well with Buffy is that they had plenty of episodes afterwards to go into it, have Buffy react to it, and deal with it and such.  Meanwhile SPN, still BLATANTLY uncomfortable with handling this sort of thing, decided to put Castiel away in a dark closet and then put forth an end the world plotline by killing EVERYONE so Dean is too busy to actually think and talk about it for any real length of time XD.  I wouldn’t use the word homophobic for it, because it wasn’t used as a joke, it wasn’t used to demean gay people, it wasn’t meant to say “if you are homosexual, you go to hell.”

That’s not it at all. The only reason people think that is because they’ve been hurt in the past so many times, by religion and government and truly homophobic media,  and this scene triggers that hurt.  HOWEVER, if you look at that scene without that lens, it’s more cowardly and insecure, than homophobic.  Cause at the end of the day, that’s the whole problem with Supernatural.  They never commit.  Their writing is lazy and weak because they don’t have the writing chops to actually GO FOR IT. 

They are constantly at war with the writing, the ratings/money, and the general public views.  They constantly add poc and homosexual characters, but are too afraid to actually do anything with them in fear of doing it poorly and upsetting people (and honestly, it’s a valid fear XD).  I stopped watching Supernatural cause the writing is HORRIBLE.  It has nothing to do with homophobia and everything to do with the fact its all over the place, there’s no stakes, the power escalation is shot to hell, they keep saying SIKE when they do kill people, no changes last forever, and it should have ended SEASONS ago.  Its BAD. But in regards to homosexuality, the fact that they used a plot point that the legendary Buffy the Vampire Slayer used but used it on two characters of the same sex is actually AMAZING.  YES it was CRINGY. The handprint was cringy! They were trying WAY too hard to make it different than the other 1000000 times Castiel died for Dean. But it was their poor plotting, their overuse of killing and bringing back people, the fact Dean and Cas never actually even toyed with the idea of romance openly in the entire show, that caused this scene to not shine as brightly as it could have. 

THAT SAID.

HOLY SHIT CASTIEL LOVES DEAN! THATS AMAZING!!!! Ahem. Another reason why people get this scene so wrong is because they think writers are actual Gods.  We are not.  They are flawed and they are many and this show had WAY too many showrunners.  AND IT SHOWS.  But you know whos constant? The actors.  Dean has never really changed. Jensen played him exactly as he’s  always played him. ALWAYS.  Any person who got mad that Dean didn’t sob or kiss Castiel needs to take off their gay fucking glasses and respect the fact that THAT ISN’T DEAN.  HE’S NEVER BEEN THAT WAY.  EVEN IF CASTIEL WAS A WOMAN HE WOULDNT HAVE ACTED THAT WAY. 

Also Dean has been so BLATANTLY straight this WHOLE time.  Now I’m not saying that the romantic feelings were not reciprocal.  I’m saying we don’t fucking know XD Hell DEAN might not know, and honestly that would be the most realistic and best way to handle that.  Do you know how FUCKED UP it would have been if Dean broke character and suddenly came out as Gay and totally fine with that and just acted like he’s been gay this WHOLE time even when it’s so obvious that he was not?!! Its like - Respect Homosexuality, but Disrespect all other sexualities.  You can’t just force Dean to be Gay and Comfortable With That Fact (tm). 

You can’t.  And to expect and force Jensen Ackles to play his character, that he’s played for years that way, to tell him to fuck off how he’s BEEN playing him cause it’s not good enough anymore even though everyone ATE IT UP before Castiel came on screen,  is an INSULT to him.  I do think he can realize it. I think he can lean into it. I really do think it’s possible to do it in a way that’s realistic and still in character with how Jensen has played him all these years.  But now, you’re all fucking entitled little nutcases if you think that Dean should bend to your fanfic fantasy as being head over heels in love with a man without any issue at all when there’s absolutely nothing in his backstory, childhood, or ANYTHING that would explain why he would be that way.  I’m old as fuck, but you know how Dean SHOULD play it? Like Heath Ledger’s character in Brokeback Mountain.  He didn’t exactly showed his emotions regarding the love of his fucking life immediately, now did he?  BUT THAT SAID THIS ISNT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN YOU HORNY FUCKS XDD Ahem. That’s also a reminder for myself XD ANYWAYS!!!

TL;DR: The scene wasn’t bad because it was forced or homophobic.

It was neither. 

The scene was bad because of long term poor plotting, repetitive character arcs and horrendous timing and execution. 

That said, my shipping heart is just happy that it happened at all. <3   The End.  That is all

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 15-17

Alright I know this is supposed to be sad but this feel so ridiculous it’s funny

“He ventures a glance at Dave, who is at the front of the line carrying a smaller casket containing Dirk’s decapitated head. “

why is there a seperate casket for the head, that’s not what funeral homes do xD

“It would be absurd were it not so tragic, and possibly also predictable.” 

“He looks at Dirk’s casket, sitting diagonally in a hole in the floor and popped about 13% of the way open.”

That’s a strangley specific number

Am I to take the imagery of something being diagonal as imagery for a “4″ and then complete it with the 13 to make 413?

Cuz is so, that’s heavy handed and ridiculous probably just as Dirk intended

“ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me

Dave gets to his feet”

right because Dave is always so eloquent when it comes to delicate emotional matters lol

I don’t know why I’m finding this all so hilarious instead of tragic, maybe because it’s so melodramatic and in a way that feels scripted specifically by Dirk himself

ah, 3 quarters 

3 1/4′s

413 backwards now

“or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it “

I’m noticing more and more every time the phrase Cosmically fated is used in some form of Homestuck media its always bringing to mind ideas of Doc Scratch, like he’s the one who said it actually or it’s said in reference to him

so, +1 point to DS = DS again

“Gamzee:  I may not be all up and learned about his life, but I’ve got deep spirital connections to his death.”

yeah you sure do, and we’re not even talking about his decapitation right now aren’t we Gamzee?

This is actually a really solid point that the day “Dirk” died was the day his ultimate self got poisoned through the unholy merger that is Lord English/Caliborn/Gamzee/AR/Equius

So he’s probably been a bastard ever since Lord English started existing, which I mean “I am already here” blahblah means Dirk was very likely like this from the start potentially, but he was probbaly only really a bastard ever since Arquis got sucked into Caliborn/Gamzee

“GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.

GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.

GAMZEE: HoNk!

The clown thrusts his hand somewhere beneath the waistband of his pants and starts obscenely rooting around. He retrieves a piece of paper, crumpled and soaked from the rain outside, and attempts to smooth it out over the lectern. The wet paper breaks apart immediately beneath his oafish clown paws.

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!”

yeah that note was probably the last shredded remnants of good dirk since there’s literally no reason to leave a sentimental note like that for his friends, makes sense Gamzee was guided by “a higher power” to grab it and make sure it gets relayed more like ruined to his friends

“KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.

KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.”

What? How does “I’d say he’s doing fine” translate into “a three letter statement”?

Are they just hamfisting in the threes now or what?

“DAVE: i dunno dude thats

DAVE: a little fucked up actually

JOHN: you think so?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy

DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did

DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision

DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.“

Yeah if only they’d realize that what Dirk needs is a huge heaping helping of someone pushing back against his dumb decisions for once

Gotta give it to John though, he’s struggling against this drugged up haze so hard, he knows getting married to Roxy isn’t right and tries to think about that

but then he gets caught up in the drugged up candy haze and starts giggling, yeah you guys are gonna be happy alright, happy in a nice little drugged up stupor

lampshaded by John still reaching out to terezi despite being at his human wedding

Aww, trolls don’t have a concept of weddings? well, that makes sense but still

oh man it just keeps happening, this is supposed to be the story where John and Roxy get their love story, but all were actually getting is the faded echoes of what should have been which is apparently John and Terezi

oh god, Jane, jane why did Gamzee have to be your third partner, what the fuck even

I don’t wanna think about Gamzee about in relationships nope this is where I start getting uncomfortable

confirmed jade attempting Blackrom with Karkat, that’s interesting, and she’s bad at it too meaning she must not really have an interest in it

oh wow, she’s really just doing it because she thinks its what Karkat would want isnt she? Girl really is just desperate for love

“Three months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation with Terezi.”

See, this is how you know the JohnRoxy relationship is doomed/not meant to be

John Egbert, lover of Con Air and Nic Cage, has a loving wife and (probably) daughter and NOT ONCE has this narrative shown them OR made the joke, we just absolutely passed over the whole wedding and birth event in one fell swoop of unrequited feelings jam with another woman

Why is Roxy praying? That’s such a weird thing to drop as a small detail, who would she even be praying too?

“What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.”

Yeah relationships built on social chameleon-ing aren’t happy for the chameleon either

Yeah John, little bit late to be having this sudden realization that you didn’t actually solve the problem (LE) by running away from it, even if everyone else has accepted that version of events

“ JOHN: you gave me a list of instructions and told me that i had to use my retcon powers to go back to a very specific point in time to defeat lord english when he was still just a kid. “

*THEORY INCOMING KILL BILL SIRENS ACTIVATE*

Wait, is that what Rose said at the beginning? No it isn’t, I remember the bit about John has to go back inside canon and defeat Lord English, I don’t think the method was ever fully explained though, nor the idea that he had to defeat him as a kid, it was never said he had to go back in time, just go back to canon

and that’s not what happened in the Meat timeline either! Nobody went back in time to defeat Caliborn when he was a kid, they just had the big showdown with LE exactly the way Rose is describing that went horribly wrong

this is practically screaming NEITHER Meat or Candy is the true version of events 

Actually yeah, defeating Caliborn really IS the way this should be settled, because it’s also the way that Dirk get saved as well, can’t get his ultimate self tainted if the taint is destroyed before it ever comes into contact with him

also im rereading the prologue now, it’s is NEVER explicitly said that John has to go and defeat lord english’s child form!

She said “you have to go back to canon to defeat LE” NOT go back in time to defeat caliborn

and “you can’t recklessly attack his hulking adult form without the house juju”

not “you can’t attack him as an adult at all” but “you can do that WITHOUT the juju” and describes it being used in the same way that Vriska ended up doing in Meat

yeah, she never mentions any plan to defeat him as a child in the prologue, which probably means Rose only saw a vision of his defeat as an adult as well

It’s gonna be JOHN who gets the idea to go back and kill him as a kid, because that’s how he understood Rose’s instructions!

But this is great, everything is vaguely worded enough that it COULD be applied to a fight against a young caliborn too! but just hasn’t yet!

What if you take the empty cursor and fill it with a young caliborn? instead of unleashing a full one against an adult LE? which proves to be pretty useless in the long run despite Rose’s apparent clouded vision?

Rose even says herself its only purpose is as an empty vessel meant to be filled by something, talk about totally understanding yet missing the point, this is probably what she meant by being unable to see any path beyond the meat or candy routes, she couldnt see the possibility of using the juju on caliborn before everything goes down just like how it was used on John and friends to trap them in there in Meat!

It’s Caliborn’s destined time out spot! Removing him from Canon and from being able to influence it without needing to kill someone who technically hasnt done bad things yet but absolutely will in the future solving the baby adolf problem with Caliborn

Oh man, what if they even trick Caliborn on using it against himself? talk about an earthbound reference, defeat Gigyas (LE) by tricking Pokey (Caliborn)  to trap himself in the "Absolutely Safe Capsule” (House JuJu)

Oh man back on the Candy train though John’s having an absolute breakdown, being infused with that canon retcon power seems to be the only thing preserving his ability to care about stuff beyond this happy drugged up paradise

Earth C has become Homestuck’s Ba Sing Se

“ He braces himself, as if splashing an imaginary glass of cold water in his own face, and reminds himself once again that he has a wonderful life. A perfect life. He’s HAPPY, god damn it.”

You really aren’t John, this is very clear, dousing yourself with some more Void to try and drown that out ain’t helping

[twothousandonehundredninetynine]

The 100 Season 6 Episode 1 Spoilers

Okay!  I’ve basically described the episode the best I could. At the beginning, its pretty much the same up until a point where I just describe what happens to a group of characters to make it easier on me and hopefully for you! Also, don’t mind my spelling or lack of punctuation – although I do hope it doesn’t interfere with your understanding. Another disclaimer I may have missed some things in regarding to the order of details of events and the who actually said what but I tried my best!

Without further ado here is the first episode of the 100!

The  opening obvs begins with the recap of last season and honestly I would suggest watching the finale before the new episode... there were some things I forgot about that were in the finale which I what I’m going to get to.  New opening everyone !! surprise surprise the opening credits are of the new planet and it was great seeing our favorite actors back on the big screen!! The beginning starts out with Monty’s speech about doing better and our first shot is* gasp * the first picture that JRoth shared with us.  Then I believe it begins with Clarke and Bellamy explaining about how Monty and Harper had sacrifice their lives to finding them a new planet. Raven storms out and Shaw follows her. He is empathetic to her finding out and her loss about Month and Harper. I gather that she is upset due to the fact that they left her without saying goodbye. Shaw says that they chose happiness (they did) and that spending their last days together is not a bad way to go. They kiss that is on the borderline of making out and then Raven is like let’s go have s*x in a more romantic way obvs.  We have Clarke come in to the what I can only assume to be a mess hall and approachs lovable new character , Jordan, and he mentions that his father (Monty) left out algae for them to eat. I swear the whole Green Family are the most precious thing ever. Jordan also mentions that Abby is not eating. Clarke mentions that it may be due to Kane (!!!) still being in Cyro. Jordan remembers something and rushes off. Clarke bewildered; Clarke takes the algae.  (I can’t remember exactly if this scene is before or after Clarke taking the algae but I’m pretty sure it’s after ) Clarke turns and Emori is like Where’s Raven you know our friend that you tortured.  YES I KNOW. SHE SAID something -along the -lines-of THAT.  and then Echo comes to Clarke’s defense. YES YOU READ THAH RIGHT. ECHO.  She says “ Hey, but she did the right thing in the end”.  Emori is like” she gave up out friends’ Murphy is like” well for Clarke that’s like a Tuesday”. I think Bellamy breaks it up - honestly can’t remember because I was too baffled at everyone coming for Clarke except Echo.  Clarke says Raven is with Shaw and makes her way to her mom cause who would want to sit with them ANYWAY Clarke sits down with her mom and they briefly talk about Kane and finding their humanity again. When Jordan comes in and says that he has the algae that Bellamy used to poison Octavia -camera cut to Bellamy- And Jordan explains that his father thinks it could save Kane. Abby takes the algae and tells Clarke that the need to wake Jackson so he could go to the ground instead of her and Niylah to assist. Yes, Niylah is in the first episode.  It then cuts to our crew of Clarke, Bellamy, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Raven, Jordan, and Shaw creating a game plan for the ground It is noted in this conversation that a) no communication to the ground - however there is a beacon that they know of but that is as far as they got  b) they are taking guns along with non-lethal weapons as and it is stated that they will not be the ones to shoot first -THIS TIME c) Echo argues that they need the best fighters since they are not trying to rely on their guns - which means waking up Octavia - Bellamy is like no, we’ll take Miller :) d) Raven stays. They need a pilot but just one and the have Shaw who is familiar with the equipment and all so logically they decide to take him and they need someone in the ship in case they make contact  e) Lastly, Jordan does not go on the ground excursion much to his disappointment but Clarke said that his parents wanted him to be taken care of and that they won’t be able to do that when they don’t know what they are up against on the ground We next have our lovely characters getting ready to board onto the drop ship to go to the ground We have Abby hugging Jackson goodbye and Clarke coming up right after BUT LO AND BEHOLD WE HAVE OUR FIRST CONVERSATION BWTN MILLER AND BELLAMY and Miller is like I’m glad to be going with you this time ( BUT LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH HE DIDNT GO WITH THEM TO SAVE RAVEN AND HE WAS HURT)and he says he sorry for throwing him in the pit. And then Bellamy is like don’t worry about (:) ) you didn’t put me in there Octavia did and think they hug but either way I got the  feels with this interaction and they make their way inside It then cuts to Abby and Clarke. Aw it such a nice little moment and Abby says something about how they have done this before. Clarke then asks if anything should happen to her that she would take care of Madi. Abby like yeah yeah of course anything were to happen to you WHICH IT ISNT I’ll take care of Madi. And off they go into the new world.  Now currently Raven and Jordan are in the control room overseeing everything.. Anyway they lose contact with the ship, shocking I know. Jordan makes a comment about how there’s this weird swirling green thing on the atmosphere of this planet which he states is an aura ?? idk. Jordan  is adorable and is definitely his father’s son and Raven is like move our spaceship to another location so I can get better service due to this radiation interference.

 It cuts to Abby and Niylah with Abby putting the algae in a medical bag and preparing surgery for Kane. Once they are done Abby says they are going to need sky crew blood and to wake everyone up from it but Octavia.  Niylah asks about Raven and Abby says she’ll take care of her.

While the ship is moving Jordan is observing the outside window, you know the Bellarke window, and sees something ! What is it? an actual shocker the new EaRTh that they are on is a moon. That planet we see in the trailer is you know the actual planet. And our new child that we must protect starts to get emotional at the sight because he knows that his parents would have loved it. Raven tried to console him, only to have Abby come in stopping Raven. since you know she wants to know why Abby is talking to her. At this point I forget why Raven and Abby are so short with each other up until the point of Raven putting her hand to her neck and well I forgot Abby shocked her. I felt bad for forgetting that. Upon realizing that the scene makes more sense, Abby comes in to ask Raven for blood for Kane and Raven is like I don’t care why you’re here but upon hearing about Kane she is like here take my blood and go away. These two then have an interesting moment due to Raven being like you hurt me and Abby apologizing. Raven then retorts that she says that now but that would be until her next fix. Abby says she’s clean now leading to her saying I’m not your mom. Raven is like huh that’s funny my mom never hurt me while she got her fix. So things are a little awk with them

Abby and Niylah now have performed the surgery and she state that he needs to rest and goes to find painkillers. Welp, look who cant find them. Abby asks Niylah if she moved anything and she says she hasn’t. This leading Abby to go looking for Raven, who guess what had the pills. Raven retorts she was heeding Bellamy’s assignment to keep the ship running. Raven makes a good point of asking if Kane was awake when Abby states that the medication was for Kane. Raven ends up giving Abby the pills and she goes away with them.

This storyline comes back with Kane waking up and Abby is letting Kane know that they have woken up 125 years later. She ends up showing Kane the new planet and he is like hobbling but he is in awe. GUESS WHOO WALKS IN ??? Octavia. Niylah had woken her up with despite being told not to. During the Octavia waking up scene, we see Octavia being confused since it wasn’t Bellamy to wake her up and also her looking over to see that Bellamy was already up. Back to the Kane and Octavia scene, honestly this was such a good argument between the two of them I really can’t give you any lines but they say things to each other that will have you agreeing on both ends ( at least that is how it was for me) this fight however leads to Kane like almost dying. He exerted himself just a bit to much he begins to cough of blood and sort of seizes. Abby tells Octavia to call of Niylah. Octavia of course doesn’t still with the mindset of Bloodriena and thinking him to be a traitor. Abby yells for Niylah while performing CPR, Abby tells her to perform for surgery but Niylah states that there isn’t anymore algae. Niylah says “He’s gone”. Abby says “ Like hell he is”.

This story returns with Abby putting Kane in Cyro who apparently is alive but barely. We see Abby clutch her painkillers but after a moment of though tosses them to Raven. She tells Jordan to come with her and they are off to make more algae. BACK TO THE GROUND. HERE WE GO.  So everyone in getting to the ground and yay we land safely but like I said uh oh they lost contact with Raven. So they come to the door and they someone says “let the air be breathable let the air be breathable” and the door lowers to find the new planet nice and vivid. Furthermore, this scene is very reminiscent of the pilot and that’s exactly what our characters were thinking too. As We get confirmation from Emori that there is no radiation that would harm them Clarke looks to Bellamy and says he can be the one to go first this time and he’s like no. TOGETHER. ( meaning everyone but STILL) Miller then ask does Anyone think there’s something else better to say besides We’re Back Bitches ? And Clarke mentions Monty, he said it best of do better. They all agree and take the step, Shaw then leads them away towards the beacon. 

We come across the crew again by a body of water, I can only assume as being a lake. And y’all this show is basically Canada with a vivid filter on it. Its beautiful. They take in the new sight and Clarke briefly mentions that it looks like the sun is eclipsing. Murphy being Murphy sees the body of water and is like I’m taking a bath and starts stripping his shirt. He dives in and they all hesitate on whether or not he’s okay and swims back up fine. Him and Emori have a cute moment here as he pulls her in the water and they are laughing. The scene ends there, which I’m like aww cause you know everyone could’ve been shirtless.  We pick up with back while they are at a campfire and MILLER AND JACKSON FINALLY HAVE A NICE SCENE TOGETHER.  JAckson is taking in the wonders of the new planet as he is observing bug in a jar and we see Miller upset. Jackson consoles him by asking what’s wrong to which it seems Miller is coming to terms with what he did down in the bunker. Jackson says he did what he had to do and so did he. Miller makes a point of saying he did things while Jackson saw him do the bad things of which are both different views. So it looks like these characters are truly going to be living by Monty’s words of doing better. We cut to the campfire and where I can’t remember how the conversation started, I was distracted by Becho’s weird hugging position. Clarke apologizes to Shaw. Shaw responds to a manner I can’t remember but it evokes Clarke to say that she did things while on the ground that she know were wrong but if she could she would change it but she can’t it. Murphy makes some off handed comment; Clarke responds with her own snipe.  Shaw responds that it our actions that redeem us and she hasn’t had done any actions to accuse her of this. At this point, they realize the bugs are gone— honestly if I was them I would’ve been like cool bye bugs. They take this as a warning sign and then all of a sudden they hear this big buzzing noise. Jackson is like hey guys look at the bug in the jar it’s going crazy. The group quickly realizing, as Murphy smacks a bug that was on his neck, the bugs are swarming and going after them. Shaw announces that they need to get to the beacon now and off the go running for their lives. During this chaos , Emori shouts for Murphy and realize they lost her someone realizes they should use the flares they have to detract the bugs briefly as they find her and get their bearings they run and run and Shaw shouts that they are almost there..... Prepare yourself.  I’m not the best writer but seriously major spoilers ahead.  Our group runs as these bugs are SWARMS-Hunger game Tracker Jacker level of swarms attacking them. Shaw pulls ahead and hits an invisible wall that I wished had made him jump back but unfortunately this wall affects Shaw exactly the way a mosquito hits the zapper light but continuously. Now don’t be confused it appeared like that but this wall was essentially electrocuting him with radiation. Clarke is the first one to be able to realize that this wall is made of radiation making her the only one to go through this wall and get Shaw. Clarke quickly reacts meaning there is now consultation with anyone in the group. So we see as Clarke charges towards Shaw the camera cuts and we see Bellamy’s high level emotion face and him screaming at her to get back. Clarke is able to get Shaw to the other side where Shaw slightly resembles how Atom looked in Day Trip. He says to her that the code is 815 or something like that , idk how he knew that he may of said why but I was a little distraught at this point. Clarke reacts quickly puts the code in which allows everyone to cross this invisible wall and she puts it back up.  They come together to surround Shaw at this point, Jackson is about to use I think drugs to help lessen the pain or something but Shaw tells him no. To not waste it on him. He says to the group that they need to tell Raven that she deserves happiness. Another fallen character.  We revisit the group as it is now day and they are making their way up a mountain/hill but it doesn’t look to strenuous but everyone is a bit raw having lost Shaw. Someone starts a conversation but it leads to Murphy making a off handed comment about Madi which leads to Clarke about to start a fight. I think that may have shocked Echo idk. Miller stops her, which then leads Murphy to start going on about Bloodriena. Miller is about to go off on Murphy before Bellamy interferes and is like “guys don’t, I get beating up Murphy is fun but we can’t”. Someone brings up that they lost their pilot which Bellamy responds that Emori will pilot them and she retorts. This may be what leads to the whole Murphy/Clarke/ Miller interaction but can’t remember. Anyway someone spots stairs and they find they made their way to the top. As Murphy elegantly put it “They have a castle” We see the group again and they are knocking on the doors so see if any one is home. Murphy - in the trailer - kicks opens one and idk if it’s a home or a place of worship but they end up finding this shrine of the family that was Eligius III. They find a handcuff in the corner, of course Murphy comments about that being kinky. As they are leaving Murphy takes a Music player, Bellamy tells Murphy to put it back. But of course,  he takes it.  We now see the Murphy scrolling through the music playing him commenting that he knew a lot of these songs from his time being in the bunker that Jaha locked him in and Emori trying to pick the lock to a door. He approaches to stop and asks her to dance with him. She tells him to stop as he attempts to dance with her. So instead Murphy starts to sing, yes SING. I wish I knew the song to tell you I was taken with his performance. We have the characters reacting to him singing and it’s adorable. They cut to Bellamy and a Echo on a swing and Clarke further back leaning on a merry go around. She eyes becho and is like nah I’m going to go exploring. She goes into the building she’s by and sees that it’s a school. Clarke spied another handcuff in the corner of the room. She furrows her brow but continues looking in the room only to find a storybook about the red sign aligning. She starts to read only to be interrupted by Bellamy.  OKAY SO THIS IS WHERE THEY TALK ABOUT THE RADIO CALLS AND I WONT BE ABLE TO DO IT JUSTICE BUT THIS IS WHERE IT HAPPENS AND BELLAMY BASICALLY TELLS CLARKE MADI TOLD HIM AND THEN CLARKE TELLS HIM THEY KEPT HER SANE. AND THEN I DIED. After this interaction, Clarke leaves cause you know to much emotion by citing she wants to see the Murphy show leaving Bellamy with the children’s book. Clarke goes outside but Bellamy is like Clarke did you read this book. Echo is there too. This book is ominous as it almost details the chaotic nature our group encounters. Such as yep the bugs go crazy. And their friends become foes. And guess what they leave this area? Moon! Whenever it’s time for what I’m assuming to be the eclipse psychosis which is meant to last days ( don’t quote me on that it’s a few days but can’t remember the exact number) Cue Emori going to attack Murphy with a knife and everyone does their best to restrain her and help Murphy. Clarke, upon looking at the scene unfold before her declares that its in the air. Before, they even think of returning to the ship they look over and see that their ship is rising. Yep, someone stole their ship. And this is where the episode ends with them realizing that they are stuck there during these days of the eclipse psychosis. You spoiled enough?;)

[everyman0]

SELFISH SLEEPER

Habit deleted my original title for this entry and gave it his own, and instead of telling you what it was originally, i’m just going to leave it as is. Theres some truth to it, after all.

When the call abruptly ended, evan let the phone slip from his grasp and fall to the floor. He had his back turned to me, had been standing that way the entire time the call went on, so i cant exactly describe his reaction in full. But i can tell you that he was not doing well. Instead of repeating the same mistake from before and touching him when he doesnt want to be touched, i only go over to him and pick the discarded phone from near his feet. Bending over to do so, i catch a glimpse at his face - and the amount of anguish i saw in his eyes was plenty enough to get me to step away as soon as possible. I dont leave him, though. I just hold the phone between my hands and stand there, observing, nervous.

Evan says nothing to me at first, so i speak up and thank him for his help. I mean, i really did appreciate it okay? I cant imagine having to pretend to be the demon that has possessed you for years and years is a mental cake walk. But evan’s expression does not soften, it only grows more distressed as the moments pass. It got a bit awkward, so i went back to work with gideon on the call and transcript since i hadnt heard the conversation in full yet. Evan eventually moved from his place and sat in the hallway nearby, away from us and around the corner to be unseen.

A couple hours pass as gideon and i sit at the table to talk. We discussed the conversation with ozzy at length, making note that the ‘prototype’ mentioned prior to this phone call was indeed another mirror, one made by the group in russia and then recently stolen. We also speculated what all this mirror may be able to do and what the implications of it being missing may be. The mirror wasnt the only thing missing of course, because so was Habit. We tried to piece together how these things connected but we still didnt seem to have enough to go off of to make sense of it yet, so little in fact that i wont even describe the conversation in more detail here. just a lot of speculation and talking in circles. It was getting late, so i insisted gideon take his leave and get to sleep for the night. We could always talk over discord later.

Once gideon was gone I called for evan to come lay down in our bed, the only thing we shared so closely. Sleeping next to him like that wasnt anything new - evan and i would frequently share a bed in hotel rooms during road trips to cut costs and at each others houses when the weather was cold or neither of us wanted to take the hardwood floor. Its something we did since middle school so we were used to it in our adulthood, and just like all those times before, neither of us wanted to sleep on the cold ashen ground of the house.

I fully expected evan to change his mind about that this night, but to my surprise, a few minutes after i had crawled under the blankets, evan quietly slipped in next to me. It was dark in the room so i could not make out his features, but thanks to the brilliant curse i have to call my eyes, i could still see some sort of aura of unease in the lumpy form that lay just ahead of me. The visual embodiment of stress isnt pretty, all jagged and sharp and i swear i thought it would reach out and pop me like a balloon. Kind of a silly thought to have, given i was already shoulder-to-shoulder with evan in the bed; and evan was anything but jagged or sharp in my opinion. His presence was rather comforting. I dont think i was a comforting presence to him though.

Especially since i couldnt keep my fat mouth shut and just go to sleep and enjoy the warmth of my friend simply being alive and with me for fucking once. I end up turning over on my side, facing evan, and choose to speak. I am, literally, the stupidest person on earth.

“Hey Ev,” I start, not really whispering but not talking normally either. “What do you think about the mi--”

“Couldn’t you at least ask if I want to talk first?” Judging by the somewhat muffled sound of his voice, I gather that evan has turned his back towards me again. Dammit. And his words stung like needles...which is how i know he was right.

“Oh uh, m’sorry,” I spit out at once, “I didn’t mean--”

Evan interrupts me again, this time shifting his body to illustrate his dismay at my attempts to talk to him, “You never mean to do anything, Vin. And maybe that’s the problem with you.”

I was taken aback by this, mouth agape and then stammering and finally settling on actual words to say.

“Ev, come on. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to shut up and go to sleep,” he says bluntly, “And leave me alone. This bed situation does not entitle you to a conversation.”

Oh. I reach out without thinking and only acting, placing a hand on Evan’s arm from under the blanket. In hindsight I remember how warm he was to the touch, but in the moment all I wanted to do was...well, who the fuck knows anymore. It was a stupid move.

“Evan, please--”

He freezes under my hand at first but then spins around so aggressively that the blankets are yanked off and become entirely wrapped around him instead. At this point my eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I can now see the white fire rage on Evan’s face. He grabs my wrist tight enough to cause considerable discomfort and I wince.

“Keep your god damn hands off of me or I’ll leave them broken next,” Evan snarls, and briefly I’m reminded of Habit once again and whimper meekly under his grip. Evan thrusts my arm away, seeming startled at himself then as well. His gaze is soul shattering as it remains locked on my own eyes. So full of sadness and despair and disgust, so hurt, and I was the cause of it. 

Evan’s lashes moisten with frustrated tears and finally, after giving me one last sniffle and quivering lip, turns over with his back facing me again. I press my dumb gob together to spare myself the trouble and I can hear Evan’s shuttered breathing as he cried to himself. He didn’t cry often, not even in front of Jeff and I way back when. To see it now, like this, ruined me more than I could have realized.

I don’t ask him to return my half of the blanket. I only curl up, feeling cold without something to cover me and Evan seeming so far away despite never leaving my side.

I didnt sleep very well that night.

>>

[deobis]

i'm not trying to clown you or anything, but i'm just genuinely curious as to why you bias sunwoo now? like what do you love about him and all? if i'm not mistaken, you used to be hyunjoon-biased correct?

hello! god bless this ask :’) i was waiting for someone to allow me to be absolutely gr0ss and gushy about my sunshine : (

and yes! you are correct :’) i used to be very hyunjoon biased! but if i were to make a comparison,,, hyunjoon was really just a crush but sunoo is the one i really fell for. anyways gush under cut cuz i doubt anyone cares

so if i have to be honest, i “fall in love at first sight” w groups. usually the person i notice first becomes my bias. theres always one defining feature i usually fall in love with. so usually i tend to bias dancers (ex. ten, taemin, chaeyeon, wooyoung, san, etc etc) but with tbz i had exposure to them since boy and had been following their music since debut, but not the group. 

Not until no air dropped did i really begin to fall in love w them. I had a lot of trouble picking a bias w tbz, which is very rare for me but i also think its because i had a ton of exposure to them before. in the boy mv i think the ones that stood out to me were sunwoo hyunjoon and jacob. In giddy up i considered joining the fandom (bc legendary song omg) and the ones that stood out in that mv were sunwoo chanhee and changmin. unluckily for me, i didnt end up getting into the fandom until no air dropped and i spent over a week picking a bias between hyunjoon, sunwoo, changmin, and kevin (as u can see its not that surprising i fell for sunwoo lol,,, it was just a matter of time) anyways, it was a long week but hyunjoons smile really just,,,,,, sold me

like cmon are you kidding me look at that he has the prettiest smile on earth and i still stand by that opinion. and after really investing myself in tbz, i found myself loving his unique dance style. the way he presents himself is so genuine and different from what i usually prefer in dancers. My favorite dancer is by far Ten and my brain auto compares dancers to him but with hyunjoon,,, the style was just so different that it was impossible to compare the two. So yeah I still love hyunjoon a lot! its just,,,, i love sunoo more

tbh i have no idea when i started falling so hard for kim sunwoo. it really just came gradually,,, and thats super strange for my “love at first sight” aries venus :’) though i dont remember exactly what moment made me start swerving, i know his lyrics and rap style played a big part in me becoming the biggest sunoonator on this earth. His first verse in 4EVER is by far the best thing i have ever heard (and in an interview he also said those lines were some of his favorite lyrics hes written!!!

another thing that really swayed me was the bday prank. that clip made me pay so much more attention to him when before i was one track minded on hyunjoon. but seeing him just break down when he realized those he loved weren’t actually fighting showed me how genuine he was. by paying more attention to him, i really just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, swooned for that dorky smile of his (example below bc i want to c’:)

and his overall quirkiness.

something ive also been loving and noticing recently is his absolute hatred for skinny jeans LOL and same. I literally wear joggers every single day bc i cant be bothered. Sunwoos fashion looks so comfortable and he pulls it off so well! its something i can appreciate and love

and the final thing. this is probably the biggest reason i absolutely love love love him! its the way he interacts and treats his fans. idk if you follow the fancafe but sunwoo updates the most out of all of the members. He basically writes in the fancafe every single day, even if its as simple as “deobis what are you doing?” and no matter what, hes always talking about deobis in his updates and almost always reminds us that he loves us! theres one fancafe letter he wrote that i have bookmarked and saved and its the one where he literally starts off by saying that hes awake at 5:20 am (iirc this was after TFMAs where they won the next leader award) bc he cant sleep and he just pours out his late night (or in this case early morning lol) thoughts and its just him talking about his career and how he is so honored to be able to perform on the same stage as his seniors. he also talks about how he is so grateful to deobis and begins explaining his thoughts about the relationship between artists and their fans and how beautiful he finds this relationship. and he continues to describe what kind of singer he wants to be: a loveable singer who can cheer others up. he said that deobis are the ones who helped him become the person he is today and how he always will be sincere to deobis that cheer for him :’(( this is a super dumbed down ver of his letter bc my korean isnt extremely good but he basically ends by saying he’ll continue to improve for deobis and that he really loves us :( this letter was then posted around an hour later at around 6 am :( so he basically spent an hour writing a letter to deobis at the crack of dawn just bc he wanted to tell us his thoughts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i rly,,,,,,,, im so sad hes the sweetest :( 

oh also special creds to @jushaknyeon (especially this hakkjae clown), @noairmv, and @hwqll for clowning me so hard into finally biasing him love u guys sm lol

this is probably way way way more than what you were expecting but i really needed to let it all out :’) i love him to the end of the universe and back! and im pretty sure this time hes just going to be stuck with me :’) (his loss lmao)

if you read all the way down to here im so sorry for wasting your time LOLOLOL here is a sunoo gif as an apology

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I have a rant and a half build up of rambling about my very first Percy Jackson Oc Elysia and I need to let it spill so all of you get to hear this info dump about her and my feels

Im putting a trigger warning here I made her when I first read the whole series a few years back. Her backstory isnt the happiest. So im going to put trigger warnings for mentions of (but not going into detail of) abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, so if you cant handle mentions of that please dont read this I dont want to upset you

Anyways I have years of work into this bab of mine and I need to get it all out

Also An important thing to note is the timeline of her(and my other ocs) stories. Basically it kinda takes place...as if Trials of Apollo didnt happen?? Sorta? I made her before it ever came out and set her story after Blood of Olympus before trials of apollo was announced so its basically diverges after Blood of Olympus...if that makes sense...I hope it does. 

So basically....At the start of her story Elysia is 13 Nico is 16(from what I remember its been about two years since I read the books so please forgive me)

Ok this might jump around alot because im kinda word vomiting and info dumping about her so if something doesnt make sense please feel free to ask me to clarify I love to

OK SO MY BAB

So her full name is Elysia Angela Melina and shes a Daughter of Hades. At the start when she gets to camp shes 13.

Im going to attatch two pictures ive drawn of her to the post here

This is her with a referrence sheet of her at 13-14 and the digital picture is one of her at the present time that I tend to write about her at age 16.

So Elysia doesnt have things easy. She comes from an abusive household that really fucked her up mentally and emotionally before she got to camp. She ran away at 13 after getting kicked out of her sixth or seventh school and thigs got ugly at home. Stuff happened and she was brought to camp(im refining and probably going to redo how that happens) and well...she doesnt exactly fit in.

Shes on the shorter side for her age and shes lanky and skinny(partially from both skipping meals and sometimes only eating when she can sneak food at home) and she comes onto the scene wearing oversized hand me downs in all dark colors and long sleeves thats got a clear fearful and insecure posture and stance and is always trying to blending into the background and hide from being noticed. Shes got a thick mane of not very well cared for black hair and eyes so dark in color they look completely black, sometimes even in the light with pretty dark bags under them highlighted by really really too pale skin. So it makes her an easy target to be bullied ya know? But she silently takes it like she always does while clutching this beat up little backpack she ran away with as shes put in the Hermes cabin until she’s claimed(which has a 1-3 day delay depending on the god, because a lot of kids come to camp especially at the start of summer) 

When she gets claimed she freaks out and panics because everyone is staring at her and shes suddenly the center of attention because it happened in the middle of the campfire.

So begins the bonding with her big brother.

Shes got alot of inner turmoils and traumas and problems and inner demons and as a result she has undiagnosed anxiety disorders, depression, and some PTSD along with a very low amount of self-esteem and confidence in herself from the ordeals of before reaching camp. Though once shes at camp and she eventually settles in she starts recovering bit by bit. She slowly gets close with nico(it starts kinda awkward for both of them and she comes off really quiet and shy and terrified of sudden movement so its a little hard but they overcome it)

 By the end of her first year at camp shes gotten close to Nico but has a really hard time making friends with other campers her own age so she ends up sticking close to Nico and following him like his shadow because theres a period of time that heś the only person Elysia feels even remotely safe and comfortable around. And as a result at first she spends alot more time with Nico’s friends and various members of the Big Seven and she gets close to them as well(more to her siblings at first but she gets there shes a nervous bean give her time)

Though in the middle of that first year she meets a girl that soon becomes one of her best and closest friends, a daughter of Hephaestus named Karter Becks(the second oc for this fandom I made) and I’ll get to more about their friendship later.

So by the second year at camp shes settled in a little, shes decidedly become a year-rounder because she would rather be eaten by a harpy than go back to “that horrible place”as she dubs it(not to mention its very very dangerous for her outside of camp)

More things about Elysia!!!

At thirteen she had absolutely NO control of reign of her abilities. She couldnt raise or summon the dead, her shadow travel was horribly spotty and half the time she couldnt even do so correctly and her most experience with spirits is that she can sense them and she can hear and speak to them but she cant really see them( they appear as really really blurry shapes that hurt her eyes to look at for too long) of course she beats herself up over this lack of skill, mostly because she(stupidly but understandably) compares her lack of teaching and training and beginner skill level to Nico’s at the time current skill level. Yeah its dumb and yeah in the back of her mind where her common sense is she realizes this but she cant stop herself from doing so, just like she unfairly to herself compares her sword fighting skill to older campers that have been there longer. 

She eventually gets her own sword of Stygian Iron, because no matter what else she tries no other swords feel...right to her. They’re always too heavy or too light too awkward to hold dont work right with her swings or just dont feel right to her so at some point shes overthinking herself to death about it and beating herself up for being too picky when Karter suggests innocently that she tries swinging around her brother’s sword. “After all Elys, whats the worst that would happen, that it feels too heavy?” 

But what ends up happening is that though its too heavy for her, it still feels...right. The best way to describe it is that she feels more connected to her powers and to herself in a way. After hearing that she gets her own of Stygian iron and its...perfect to her. Its not too heavy on her wrist or too light to wield. And afterwards she actually starts getting some more confidence which helps her improve a little faster than before.

Once Elysia is fully apart of camp life it takes a long time for it to fully click that her belongings...are hers and her likes and interests and likes are respected. They wont get taken away or threatened, she doesnt have to hide what she likes or pretend she doesnt like one thing or another. She’s free to be her own person for the first time in her life and she struggles for awhile to adjust to that and accept it. Those struggles result in alot of scattered breakdowns and even one or two...relaspes that for once in her life she has a support system of her half brother and half sister, his friends, her two close friends, and chiron to catch her and help her back to her feet. She has people to lean on and depend on and not have to be afraid of and this helps alot into her recovery and acceptance of herself and her mental illnesses. It takes her two of the three years shes been at camp for her to get at the better place shes at when shes 16, where she now has a small group of good friends, shes managed to bring up some of her self-esteem and self  confidence, shes been clean for a year and shes in therapy for her PTSD and depression and shes opened up more to those around her and shes not the terrified jumps at her own shadow kid but a more quiet but kindhearted and sometimes even giggly teen whose slowly getting her life back together with plans for the future.

But on the topic of things she likes...

This girl loves-no ADORES animals, all kinds mythical or not. She didnt show it at first but she was so SOOOO excited when she realized the camp had Pegasi even though she tried to keep a distance from them because she realized she made them nervous. Oh man you shouldve SEEN her when Chiron took a group of campers her age into the woods and they caught a glimpse of a passing through unicorn. She was giddy about it for DAYS guys. She just...she has so much love and admiration and excitement for animals its so cute you guys.

Elysia also loves(ironically) learning about Mythology, from all over the world. Its her special interest and when she finds and buys a old broken touch screen phone(or one of those touch screen i-pod or something) and gets Karter  to fiddle with it and (eventually after shenanigan filled misadventures of trying to upgrade it to not be detected by monsters and fix the cracked screen) she fills that thing to the brim of downloaded auidobooks of different mythologies as she can and she listens to them when doing schoolwork(she ends up having do be “homeschool” by online classes because things just do not go right when trying to attend schools outside of the protected borders)

She also loves anything soft. Especially stuffed animals. Oh my god she loves stuffed animals, well into her teens. She had one she managed to bring with her to camp that is her ultimate comfort object, a older beat up and been through a life time of ringers and back stuffed husky doll that she cherishes and takes care of like one might take care of gold. Over time (once they found out her birthday--October 5th) she starts getting stuffed animals as presents or just even as little splurges on herself . She also loves soft blankets soft clothes soft anything. She loves the texture and feel of it and it makes her happy.

She’s an aspiring writer and songwriter and can even sing a little but she has no confidence in her ability in any of those. But she has boxes and piles of notebooks and journals filled with little cartoony doodles and pages upon pages of stories and songs shes been writing for years now

Fun fact during her first year at camp Percy and Annabeth dropped by for a visit during their winter break to visit friends and I have this whole little story I might post about hoe when Percy’s walking to go meet someone he finds Elysia sitting alone at the beach doodling animals in her journal and he goes up to her(shes sitting all curled up so at a distance it probably looked like she was crying or something) to see if shes ok and because Nico had been telling him about her via iris messages and updates since she got there but he didnt get to meet her during the summer(stuff happened and she kinda hid from alot of people) but he finds her and he sits with her(after announcing his presence because Nico has told him about her being very jumpy and easily scared and that at that point hes the only one she really opens up to so dont take offense to it) and they sit for a bit and Percy asks her about her doodles and she just, for the first time like ever, she starts to open up because she gets so freaking excited and hyper about it that she just starts babbling away about her doodles and the animals of them and then about animals in general and she goes on this whole, like 30-40 minute info dump/ rant about them complete with diverting tangent questions that she answers herself before continuing with this just lit up and openly happy and ecstatic expression as she goes on and on while hes sitting there just listening to her and smiling down at her partly nostalgically because at that moment she reminds him so much of how Nico was when he first met him and you got him started on Mythomagic and that shes being so open about her excitement and then she looks at him and realizing what she was doing and she shuts herself up now panicking about how much she just word vomited on her big brother’s friend and more importantly this huge shot demigod Son of Poseidon whose saved the world not once but TWICE and who is probably very busy too busy to be hanging around with her--you get the idea of her panicking until Percy slowly reaches out his hand and she nods to let him know its ok and he ruffles her hair and tells her its ok he liked listening to her and holy shit I went on a tangent about that. 

She also has alot of sweet bonding moments with Nico and Hazel because they teach her about having a loving and caring family and what thats like and its really sweet and cute and emotional

Did I mention she likes taking Nico’s shirts? Oh yeah she likes “borrowing” Nico’s shirts, and some of his jackets, mostly t-shirt and long sleeved shirts because once they get close his scent and presence really relaxes her nerves if she gets anxious. Of course its not stealing, its just borrowing and eventually giving back on laundry days...or he just lends it to her without being fully aware of it. Its cute because shes so short that they end up really big on her and she loves flapping the sleeves and the feeling of being engulfed in the safety of his presence without him even being there

ANYWAY COUGH COUGH 

uhhhhhhh....yeah thats alot about her huh I think i’ll leave you all with that to take it and make sense of and I might make a part two(or you guys can ask about her too) 

and yeeeeeeeeeee thats my PJO oc Elysia Melina!!

@phantommoonpeople 

@kid-crashed

@demidorks (im sorry if im bothering you by tagging you youre one of the pjo blogs I follow and one of my favorites)

[paladin-pile]

Shiro’s role in VLD and what that means for us.

I see a massive variety of opinions on Shiro these days, most of them negative, and I’m getting tired of it. I’m not posting this to be salty or argumentative. I’m here to explain why we should be grateful for this brilliant rep, this character with the most beautiful and inspiring story that should got down in history. Shiro is not the show’s “punching bag” or anything else, and in this meta I’d like to begin explaining my position on why Shiro’s story is exactly what the world, (that includes us) needs. No matter what your position, please take just a few minutes and read.

In my perspective, being a punching bag means that a character is being repeatedly hurt, beaten down, and being ground into lower and more painful places in life, for no reason, or for reasons that are for action purposes only, not contributing to a meaningful arc for the character. It might even be detrimental to their arc. The characters in the MCU are a perfect example if this. I like Marvel movies, and I love the characters, but as I watched through the movies I started to like them less and less because of how the characters were treated. It was hard to watch the people I cared about accumulate trauma on top of trauma that was never addressed. They were never allowed to rest, heal, reach a better place in their physical/mental/emotional states.

 Sometimes in little things, yes, but not much. I just watched people get beaten to a pulp physically and emotionally. I cared about them, I want them to be okay, I want them to have hope and opportunity of meaningful connections, peace, and recovery. If Tony Stark or Steve Rodgers die in Avengers 4, I see that as a horrible end to horrible arcs for both of them. Steve has been fighting his whole life, never got to have a home and family, or deal with some of his issues. Tony has barely gotten a glimpse of a happy life with Pepper and a baby, and has grown so close to Peter. Peter has lost his parents, his uncle, and now he might lose Tony too. 

Do you see what I mean here? If you’re familiar with the MCU you might see my point. This is because the movies exist to serve the comic book action, not the people. The action, the aliens, the robots, the fight scenes; that’s the whole purpose of these movies and they’re not going to take time to show us how Natasha is slowly recovering from her childhood trauma with help from Clint and his family. When we watch endless action-based stories like this, we tend to get depressed because we long for hope. Everyday in real life we see hopeless situations where the people we love get hurt and hurt again without any hint of things getting better, we don’t want to see that in our media.

But Voltron...Voltron is different.

The problem is that people come to Voltron looking for a utopia (“If war was perfect this is what is should look like. If everything happened perfectly for so-and-so this is what I think it should be and its not so it’s evil,”etc). That’s not going to work. Voltron does a great job of showing realistic experiences that we can relate too, and still give us hope and inspiration. The character development and story arcs for each character are nothing short of brilliant. Please also keep in mind, some characters are more central than the others and will receive more focus, but everyone gets at least some meaningful things. What makes Voltron do this while other shows/movies don’t, is that Voltron is not about Voltron, it’s about the characters. The first season or two you might think it’s about the robots and the big fights, but I recall it was around season 5 that the realization hit me. “Holy shit this isn’t about Voltron, it never was.” What made me realize? Well, Shiro and Keith’s related arcs specifically. The entire plot revolves around how they revolve around each other. Pay some close attention to each plot point and ask how it relates to Keith trying to save Shiro or vice versa. But that’s beside the point of this post. I came here to talk about Shiro.

Shiro is the main character of Voltron. No contest. Everything revolves around him, is influenced by him, or is tied back to him somehow. It’s incredible to watch. The show starts with him and I’ll damn well bet it’ll end with him. He’s the fated, Chosen One that the whole show is on the shoulders of. So why don’t most people realize this?

Shiro isn’t a loud person, he shoulders a lot of his work in the background. We don’t see things from his pov very often. It’s easy for our attention to drift to the more outgoing, loud and chaotic characters, but that does not determine how important they are to the story.

Doing rep right is not, “This person is LGBT/poc/mentally ill character, therefore nothing bad can every happen to them.” That would be of no help to anyone at all. People need to see rep that goes through things that they do or even worse, and is still ok, who can still be happy and adapt and be strong and find meaning in life, be in healthy, wonderful relationships. People who can climb higher and shine brighter because of what they’ve been through, not in spite of it.

Remember the beginning where I described what it means for a character to be a punching bag? Shiro is none of those things. This sweet, earnest, and lovely boy has been through so much suffering. You’ve all seen it, or inferred it from what we did see. But never have I ever seen someone with such a mighty heart, or such resilience. He kept fighting, never lost hope, never gave up on the people and causes he cared about. He never got any less kind and selfless. He stayed loyal to what was right and never sought his own glory. And he has been abundantly rewarded for it. The MCU characters I talked about have gotten worse of the course of their arcs. Shiro has gotten better.

His life isnt perfect. It’s not a utopia. He has sustained a lot of losses, his path has changed direction in confusing and sometimes painful ways. But he takes it in stride. No suffering Shiro has been put through has been for nothing, and in this is the basis for my argument. It has all changed and influsned his character arc in positive ways. Even if it took a while for that to become apparent. He has been leveling up this whole time. Even things that seemed the worst turned out to be a blessing to both him and the universe.

Is he sad about no longer being a paladin? We will never know. Even if he was he is not one to dwell on it. He now has a bond with another mecha just like he had with black, one that’s his and only his. (One that's 100 times bigger than his old ship and way cooler, Voltron whomst?) He has his own path and his own crew, he’s working side by side with the people he considers family. He is showing signs of healing, of being happy. He’s just as much a part of the team as he was before. It’s the fandom who excludes him from their art and fics of the othes, the fandom who is casting him aside, not the show.

For someone to say “Oh Shiro’s arc is terrible and he’s being treated badly because look at these things that happened to him. Things he loved got taken away and now he’s lost and sad and feels useless and is getting knocked down a few pegs in life.” Where are you seeing this? What happens in our own lives when things change or painful things happen. Do we roll over and die? Say “oh my life will be miserable from now on because this or that happened?” No, and neither would Shiro.

We see Shiro growing. He is leveling up. He knows how to live and adapt and find meaning. I don’t think Shiro regrets or mourns anything for very long. His coping skills are very good since he came back form the “dead.” He may have feelings of sadness and loss. Of his arm, of people close to him like Adam or others, of the people lost on Earth. But roles? Jobs? Circumstances that he knows could have happened to anyone and he can’t change? He knows better than that. Have more faith in Shiro people. I have been more inspired and encouraged and blessed by his character and story than I have in any other media ever. I love him and I am grateful.

I understand that a lot of good folks who love Shiro have been genuinely concerned and confused. If you are one of those, please message me. I would love to talk to you. I know some folks have made posts mentioning specific events in the show that have influenced their perception and I was not able to address all the specifics in this post, only generally. Anyone is more than welcome do drop by my ask box and start a conversation! 

[blookmallow]

weLL I GOT TO THE END

this is gonna be kind of. mixed up and out of order bc i actually finished it like weeks ago and never got around to putting together the liveblogs so like. i cant exactly remember which comments i was gonna make with which pictures/what order things happened in/etc, bear with me 

----

???? well SHIT

so like.....witchcraft and witches and all that are all stage tricks/illusions/hypnosis, which. ok a lot of “magic” can be done with technology and if this is a town where nobody is aware that kind of technology exists they’ll believe its witchcraft, BUT 

this is still a town wherein a CHILD was ‘born a witch’ (how did she Know she was a witch?? how could she do magic if she was a kid and wasnt in on the whole thing with the shades??), believed she turned her childhood goat friend into gold (meaning the shades did that to her just to fuck her up), was distraught to the point of trying to fucking DROWN HERSELF and living in hiding as a boy and presumably never saw her parents again 

what the fuck was the aim in doing that to a kid and her family

and like, this means the storyteller is directly responsible for Choosing which members of the town are going to be witches. he looks at peoples’ lives and just Decides ‘this person’s gonna get completely fucked over and live life thinking they’re a monster and having to hide from their friends and neighbors truly believing they’re going to be cast into a fire pit if anyone finds out what they are and will probably eventually have to go through a public witch trial in front of the entire town and experience the immense trauma of being sentenced to a horrible gruesome death and falling into the fire, even if they arent really hurt, and now have to live in the woods as an outcast of society carrying out whatever orders they’re given” 

and he had to have been the one who said witches can only be women!! so he decided Only Women would go through this. he decided a child and a young girl would go through this and god knows how many others 

also how the fuck did they do the thing with the witches chasing layton and luke in the beginning then bc they’re not hypnotized to believe whatever they’re told they see, 

what the FUCK

EVERYONES JUST BEEN... UNDER AMNESIA AND HIGH ON HYPNOTIC INK THIS WHOLE TIME, 

and everyone in town has a rare medical condition induced by the water that makes them fall unconscious when they hear a silver bell, bc thats...plausible,

like i guess. everyone was like. people who wanted to start over and forget their old lives for whatever reason (i was gonna call out the fact that theres children in this town but if its been 10 years its possible that young children could have been born and raised in the town since then) (but then, greyerl looks older than 10?) and consented to.... having their memories erased and being completely mind controlled, I Fucking Guess, 

IM NOT BUYING IT EITHER PHOENIX,

but like one person in the crowd was going “wait yeah i just realized i cant remember my own mother’s face!!” how....did nobody in town realize that Everyone has no memory of their childhoods or their parents or anything. surely someone somewhere would’ve confided to someone the terrible amnesia they’re suffering from and had a “wait what the fuck me too” moment and it would’ve spread. surely the people with kids would have had to think about the fact that they dont remember being a kid/having parents/etc. surely those kids wouldve asked about their grandparents or ‘what was it like when you were a kid, mommy?’ 

“now now sweetie remember, dont touch that bell OR A WITCH WILL POSSESS YOU AND MAKE YOU DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE” yea thats definitely how you talk to a child and will absolutely not backfire in any way

jfc though ‘i rang a bell that ended up causing everyone in town to fall unconscious at the same time and resulted in a fire that destroyed everything and killed everyone i know including my mom and my best friend’s mom’ is a FUCKING LOT to cope with, especially considering she was like 6,

so i guess... there is no actual real ‘bezella,’ eve the cat is. just a cat, but the name was subconscious memory of darklaw who is actually named eve and is actually the ‘grand witch’ of the woods and was in on it the whole time but isnt actually bezella or a witch but then theres no actual witches anyway, and technically i guess she is bezella bc ‘bezella’ was the one who destroyed the town and shes actually the one who rang the bell but none of that Really matters bc no matter who did it someone was going to end up ringing it anyway 

ok EVEN IF you buy ‘everyone’s been hypnotized by weird ink into believing whatever the storyteller says but dont worry about it its totally legal bc they consented to this somehow even though they dont remember, and they were told they cant see pure black so anything pure black is invisible’

A) how does no one ever hear any sound from these machines. and if you argue that the machines are only ever used when people are knocked out,

B) how does NO ONE IN TOWN ever manage to accidentally bump into one and wonder what the fuck they just ran into. how does no one ever see a bird land on it or something. the bell tower was there the whole time covered in an ‘invisible’ black tarp but the wind never blew the cloth around. no one ever walked through that spot in the middle of the town square even though the vigilantes wouldnt have been guarding it yet bc they didnt know anything was there 

alright is anyone else absolutely shipping espella and eve by the end of this nonsense though. i know shes described as being “like a big sister to her” but they’re not actual sisters, theres only a couple years age difference, and i mean, like, 

look at this!!!!!!!!! harold they’re lesbians 

see!!!!! they’re married now!!!!!

barnham is ROCKING that look 

OH FUCK!!!!!!! OH SHIT OH FUCK THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!!!!!!!!! HE!!!!! 

I WAS NT EXPECTING TO GET TO SEE EDGEWORTH AT ALL IM YELLING

also edgeworth definitely shouts OBJECTION as much or possibly even more than phoenix does so who are u calling annoying, 

god fucking DAMN he cute tho. he has absolutely no business being this cute. look at that lil nose. fuck 

[kyanmaaaa]

i told my bro abt this dream and hes just like why are your dreams so dark (so like, tw for this one)

but honestly i didnt really consider this dark it was oddly beautiful if scary. im going to fill in parts with what i think could have happened there but im also not going to include the details for what the room looked like in every scene besides whats neccassary, cause this was so vivid i could try to describe to you what each PERSON looked like and people usually dont even have faces in my dreams!

its still long so heres a read more

beginning of the dream im walking home at dusk and im coming from a direction i almost nvr walk, except for when its halloween. so it may have been halloween in my dream, the sunset is a beautiful BRIGHT orange and its on the side of my house rather than behind like it usually is but thats a minor detail.

cause around the house behind mine theres a very strange cloud formation, much lower than i usually see clouds and its not foggy but its just, theres clouds wrapped around the house except for the front and the wall just goes up and up and up to the top and slightly past the house. paired with the sunset i think thats really beautiful so i take some pics with my phone and go closer just to see how close i can get before the clouds disappear and then i’ll go home

i didnt get to go home, the clouds wrapped fully around the house and a strong, something, stopped me from leaving. also there was like an evil to/riel so she mighta been the one doing that

next part of the dream kinda jumps around so ill have to infer some parts but essentially the house changes from the building ive seen there for you know, my entire life, to a small dark wooden mansion. also muffet is there and guess what she ALSO sucks. and then theres this bitch blond haired human pony tail man and hes dumb and i dont like him. im not allowed to leave and im kinda enslaved i guess (my bro called me a prisoner with a job when i told him and it was stupid funny). muffets off on a job after i get settled in there and i dont know what happens to make me so submissive considering the next part of the dream focuses on another servant but whatever they did was REALLY REALLY BAD cause at every point after this im terrified of fucking up and ive pretty much given up on getting out.

this next part was more of a flashback sequance that happened later but for ease of reading im going to add it here instead. first other servant i meet is a beautiful large green shiny beetle man, seriously hes gorgeous and so well spoken and kind. when he was brought into the house he was introduced as just a regular human man, still as beautiful as ever tho, was hired to play piano for a party. as hes fiddling away with the keys though if you looked around you could see bright shiny green and gold strings just, laying flat against the wall, piano, his suit, etc. turns out those were his beetle wings but stretched out and distorted and at this point hes discovered cause to the untrained eye those look like decorations, but its how his kind disguises themselves. cause he can change his entire appearance except for his wings, so they have to try and hide their wings in the environment around them.

they didnt like him lying but it was calm at first. muffet invites him to a small welcoming dinner, just for a chat. they share a platter of food on one plate, partly meat, but most of whats facing him is just a lot of rice packed into a line. he slowly pecks away at that as he carries a polite conversation with muffet, but nvr touches the other side of the food. after hes abt halfway through it she asks “Why aren’t you trying the other food deary?” and he responds “I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to Miss.” and has a bite.

after whatevers in that food kicks in he keels over in pain and she makes it very clear how things go in this house. he listens, he does not act without being told to, and if he ever tries to pull a stunt like that again he’ll be dead. “Am I clear deary?”

since he was there before i was some times passed since that happened. hes currently being punished by mr asshole blond ponytail man and his punishment is all of his meals are very plain. just rice and unseasoned meat. the chef clearly put effort into each platter tho as theyve been shaped into increasingly elaborate shapes the longer the punishment lasts. im not quite sure why this is a punishment? maybe beetle man isnt getting all the nutrients he needs and thats harder for his kind, perhaps he has a taste for good food and this is just the most the ponytail dude can get away with as a punishment since muffets in charge of the house, or maybe its meant to bring up bad memories of when he first came here.

this next parts, really foggy

back to me and muffets talking to someone through a large portal in the room? plans are made abt making humans lose hope and wiping out humanity. the vegan next to me is very excited abt this and comments on it and im just like, bro, that would be super bad for the earth and also immoral? and shes like oh right. at some point i befriend a guy even tho we hated each other at first but he’s moved elsewhere after some time

time skip to muffet informing me that due to my most recent mistake my family is going to be killed. at this point im just sick of it i’ve been here for months im miserable im lonely, i miss my family im just kinda, unstable

really unstable

im shouting at her if shes going to off my family she has to kill me too cause i cant live knowing theyre dead because of me or live without them, just sobbing, kill me, please just kill me i cant stay here anymore she sends me to my room and i pass by my beetle friend but neither of us says anything, also passed by some buff monster but its irrelevant. i dont go to my room instead im just looking through hallway after hallway, opening a storage closet and just trying to find SOMETHING to work with because yeah im miserable, yeah this is probably going to backfire but you do NOT. FUCK. WITH MY FAMILY! so i have to leave. i dont care if this might kill me i have to get out of there with whatever the hell i can find. what i find is two deflated balloons with little plastic bits inside that when u press a button they light up and im like OKAY maybe i, maybe me and beetle man can use this to signal to each other! thats great i can do this i can. i think i may have been crying and laughing here after my exploring Im hiding behind a sofa in a room in the furthest corner of the house cradling my little weird balloon bundle, just trying to find space to think. im safe because u cant see me from the door and the blinds on the window are drawn already. it feels like i havent seen the outside in a while remember how i said i was really unstable? this felt completely real in the dream so maybe it was real due to dream logic, but it feels like desperation in hindsight. i clicked both of the balloon lights on and realized i could use it as a phone! i need to call mom i miss her so much. so i do and she goes honey where are you? and im just crying and saying i love you, i love you so much im okay mom, its okay, and shes like are you at school??? and i just turn into a mess. at this point i look through the sheer curtains on the window and notice my brother driving a really tall truck moving some construction supplies. it sucks that hes here too but im just so happy to see him even if i know i cant talk to him. maybe if they dont find out we’re related he’ll be okay and then i leave the mansion, and i run. nothing here is familiar. im somewhere in the woods. i try to run to the front and see all of the construction workers there making something, but besides all the people somehow the dirt is just, this sheer cliff up up and up in front of the place. so i run to the back and try to get through the barrier around the place. i think i do but its not exactly easy. i fought off a possessed wild boar, but it was the size you think a pig would be, so like a medium sized dog, it just tried to bite me and while it hurt i just hit it til it stayed down long enough for me to bolt after im some distance away, further into the forest on a wide path i meet a human whos instantly on guard to fight me. i spray paint in his eyes and then run on i meet a strange human on the same path and he smirks at me and puts paper in front of his eyes to stop my tactic. i go hey fuck it maybe the fumes will disorient him and spray and his magic stops the paint in mid air and im like dude that is SICK, before he flings it back at me

i dont know how but i beat him too but the next part of the dream im finally somewhere residential, houses along the water, its a warm but not too warm day, light breeze, so all in and beautiful. i feel like im seeing and breathing freely and clearly for the first time in, i dont even know how long. its bright and while i know i have to run im just going to keep running, im free for now.

i use my little balloon contraption and call up my mom again now that im somewhere im positive no one will hear me. i tell her im sorry but i cant go home, that this is likely goodbye, and i cant guarantee ill get out of this alive but it’s okay. i love you so much. and she has to leave too. i stress this. she has to leave, cut all ties, cut all things that could trace you and get out of there. 

and then my alarm woke me up

its hard to explain why some sections of this dream were so scary, just the feeling of wrongness, isolation, powerlessness, and just some distant pain that i dont know what it was. it felt like the longer i was there the more my world was ending

[ocean-butch]

How is cas different from ur other girlfriends

akcjwjxia i had to wait like SIX HOURS to answer this bc of a goddamn test i had bUT OH BOY ANON AM I GONNA LOVE DOING IT alfjadjsk i just love talking about my gf i love her so much i wanna gush about her 25/8

the short answer would be basically in every way bUt imma do it part by part.

okay so, in a simplified version i’ve had relationships with people whose personalities worked well with me but who were shitty girlfriends or a good girlfriend who just didnt really fit with my personality. i’ve actually given that so much thought even before i met cass, but the point is that i met her and she was just perfect for me in both ways (technically its more complicated bc theres a bunch of logic into this that im not explaining bc my mind is weird and it would be Way too long but anyways). but ok let get into How she fits me perfectly.

first of all literally no one ever in my entire life has made me laugh as easily and genuinely as she does. im not even exaggerating, like laughing was never really A Thing for me to look for in girls bc it just never happened???? like i had fun conversations and stuff but there was never anyone that made me go “holy shit i have never laughed this much with anyone else” and we have So many inside jokes, which is a thing that i almost never have????? and i always used to wish i did bc everyone would talk about it and i’d feel like i just wasnt funny and That was the problem. and also this is really important bc its one of the things that made me realize that i liked (and eventually, came to love) her. bUT its not the only one so theres also like all these things that we like and we can talk about for HOURS like i remember when i watched infinity war and the first thing i did when i got home was call her and we talked about it for like 2 hours idek but it was great. the point is, we have a bunch of shared interests (which isnt like 100% necessary but its still really nice), wHICH LEADS ME TO: her music taste is amazing and i love that so much bc i love music With My Entire Soul and its the best thing in the fucking world (after cass & my friends and tied with the ocean) but yeah thats great too. AND i think more importantly than the last 2 things is that she is literally so fucking easy to talk to. like ever since the beginning we didnt really have that awkward phase where we run out of things to talk about and the conversation keeps dying like we never had that it just flowed so well and that was such a good feeling. another thing is also how comfortable i feel talking to her.

like i have never felt this way with any of my girlfriends bc i was always scared that i was gonna be annoying or say something Wrong and they’d start to realize i sucked and then break up with me, but shes just so kind and idk she just has this way about her that makes me feel at home and its always been there like i dont believe in love at first sight or anything like that but i swear to god the day after i met her i already felt like i could tell her anything and that was such a comforting thing and i needed that so badly at the time. i dont feel like i was able to describe this aspect very well tbh like im not doing it justice. like, she makes me feel like im not annoying at all, and like i could just randomly start ranting about anything and she would be like super invested in it, and just literally so comfortable in every sense of the word. she is my home, no ifs ands or buts, i just feel it every single time that we talk or that i simply think about her, and i have never felt this so clearly with anyone. and i think this comfort i feel with her is kinda connected with how she has always made me felt so appreciated, in a way that no one has ever done. like, i had like 2 tags about my wants and needs in a relationship, there was “my dream girl” to remind me that i shouldnt settle for anyone after i got out of a rlly bad relationship, and there was “things i wish someone would tell me” after my “first” relationship (i dont really count it bc Officially™ we only dated for a week) because my gf at the time would almost never be affectionate with me and it made me really insecure so i started that tag as a way to vent kinda. anyways my point is that i made those tags bc i would always feel super anxious in my relationships bc i never really felt loved or even wanted (aka the good personalities awful gfs relationships) i just felt like a burden and it was such a big thing for me.

okay now i’ll say that there Kinda was an exception to this before cass, because it would be unfair to say that that relationship was detrimental to my mental health, but it was still different. like, that ex did make me feel wanted most times, but not only did i still have A Lot of insecurities about the whole thing bc of some things she would say and do or not say and not do and i’d get like super uncomfortable or just sad really but also bc whenever the conversation would start to die out i was Absolutely Certain that she was gonna break up with me. it was pretty bad im not even joking. and like ofc my anxiety isnt her fault OR responsibility and like sure i still get anxious about cass sometimes but its not like that its basically just when she doesnt answer for a long time i think that something bad might have happened but even when my rude ass brain does try to tell me that she doesnt love me i KNOW that its not true, and that is a kind of peace that i have never ever had before. but anyways, so that was the good gf whose personality didnt fit mine and its weird now bc that is so obvious but i really didnt wanna believe it at the time even though i knew it wasnt gonna work out, but now its just really weird ngl (but i wont get into the why).

and now cass. wow okay let me tell you about cass. she is perfection. she is literally everything i have ever wanted AND things i didnt even know i wanted. she is everything no one else ever was and i just remembered that when we started dating in may i said that exact same sentence to abby. its just so true, she really is everything that no one else could be. because theyre not her. i’ve said this a lot of times but i really dont see how i could ever love anyone else after loving her, it just doesnt make sense to me because she really is like,, as good as it gets. there is no one better than her for me. we’re literally meant to be i s2g like when we broke up for a while i would tell everyone i wasnt really trying to move on at all bc i just hoped she would come back to me and i couldnt miss that chance. i knew she was my soulmate, although at some points i lost almost all hope (but never all) and i started thinking that maybe she was the love of my life but i wasnt the love of hers. and thats bc she really is everything ive ever dreamed of like she has all these little things that she does or say that sometimes wouldnt even mean anything to other people but to me they are So important bc theyre things ive dreamed about while my ex girlfriends ignored me akcjsjxn like, i was talking about how comfortable she feels to me and a big part of that comes from little things like the fact that even when we were just friends she would spam me when i was gone for a long time and that not only made me feel missed and appreciated but also it meant i could do that to her and it wouldnt be annoying bc she felt the same!! like, she missed me too! and me knowing that she actually Wanted to talk to me and the fact that she actually showed me she cared was super great when we started dating bc it made me feel like if i was feeling sad or insecure, i could literally just ask her to be a little more affectionate and it wouldnt feel fake bc i actually knew she cared. and you have No idea how much that meant to me bc i literally didnt know it was possible for me to feel that way. like honestly i thought it was an innate aspect of who i am that like if i asked for affection it would be meaningless? bc i’d be lowkey forcing the person to say something? but with her it felt different bc we had enough intimacy for me to feel comfortable enough to do that.

HOWEVER i never actually Had to do that bc i got insecure exactly once (1) on the first night we started dating back in may bc i didnt know how much she liked me and i was like in love with her so i thought she would think i was too much and then i told her i was sad and that i was gonna sleep and the next day when i woke up she said something along the lines of “how are you babe bc i remember you said you were sad last night and i couldnt stop thinking about it bc i want you to feel good all the time” and thats something so small but wow it just meant so much to me bc i would cry and beg any fucking force in the universe to make my last ex do Anything At All to try to make me Not Sad and it would be awful and i would feel so so unloved and then cass just said that and something clicked in me and i never doubted her feelings to an actual Meaningful extent while we’ve been together anymore (like ofc i get insecure sometimes and especially when we broke up, but while we have been dating ive never gotten like actually Sad™ specifically bc i wasnt sure she liked me) but it gets even better because some of the things she does are so so special that i never even imagined them like shes literally unreal, i literally never thought someone like her existed and its just so wild to me that i get to be with her.

and i know im saying a bunch of cliches but i mean it all so much like i remember when i was dating one of my exes i was learning her first language but she didnt try to learn mine and i really wished she would bc i just always loved the idea that someone would do that for me?? (and she was like the good gf so yknow,, just how that relationship literally did Not even compare to cass) and guess what yes cass is learning portuguese and its the cutest thing ever btw bUt the point is she does all the little things ive ever wanted in a partner (i literally have a post with a list of things i appreciate in a partner and she does all of them!! well, the ones that arent like irl or smth) also i literally have a draft in this blog that is a list of cute things cass has done/said that means a lot to me personally but i didnt post it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and like theres just so so many things that i havent talked about, like how im not even sure if i was ever in love with anyone of them anymore because what i feel for cass is just so different and so much more, or like how cass actually makes me want to try to get better, which ive never actually wanted before bc it always seemed to scary, like she literally makes me wanna be not only alive but also happy bc she makes me feel like i deserve it. she has been such a good influence on me and my mental health and thats so important and its the first time someone has been this good for me.

but anyways the point is that cass is right for me in every single way like she really is my other half she literally just is everything that she is and thats how shes different from my ex girlfriends.

[actualbird]

fic writers asks!! 

tagged by @icouldwritebooks​! thanks for the tag :Dc

What’s your total word count on AO3?

oh boy. my ao3 stats say 307,484 and i really dont remember writing that much. but then again ive had my ao3 since....2012....  

How often do you write?

everyday. i try to make a habit out of it. scene snippets, outlines, skeletons of stories. the real question is how much of it is decent to show to other people. the answer 98% of the time is NOPE NOPE NOPE. 

Do you have a routine for writing?

write an outline. more on that here because ive been told my outlining process is terrifying. this step takes the most time and suffering...

stop talking to everybody both verbally and online. only exceptions are my dogs. i cant seem to multitask on using words for a piece and using words communicating with the world.

sit down and write until one of the following happens. 1) i pass out, 2) i hate the thing so much i cant continue, 3) i finish it. 

i should ideally have an editing and revision step but i never do that with fic jdfhkdjfks

What are your favorite tropes/pairings?

COMEDY. thats a genre not a trope but GOD i love a fic thats just hilarious to the fucking bone. i love writing it and i love reading it and i love reading it again and again to painstakingly pick apart why it was funny. 

AUs!!!! im most obviously a sucker for magic/supernatural creature aus but every au immediately has my attention. it’s all about how well the fic manages to convince me of the premise.

mutual pining. im basic like that

not rlly a trope but Take Your Fandom To Work was a thing i ran into a bunch of fandoms ago and i LOVED IT. it was basically like, write ur fic as an au of what you do as a day job. i really really loved reading fics about jobs very clearly written by people who knew exactly what they were doing and all the consequences of that (i.e. ppl shading their own jobs djhkdsfs). broadway theatre tech!au, realistic teacher!au, shepherd!au, it’s WONDERFUL. i learned...so much...

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

On One Condition and goodnight moon. theyre the fics that i had the Most self indulgent fun with. like i genuinely just said “fuck it” and filled it with all the dumb stupid magic stuff i loved and logically knew wouldnt mesh with more audiences but i had fun and thats what mattered. 

i also just realized now that these are two fics where the main characters are dragons. 

Your fic with the most kudos?

Professional Werewolf Witch wins with a whopping (oh lord) 4,758 kudos. is this a forest comes in second with 3,192 kudos. i very much prefer forest to pww cuz as much as the kudos are astronomical, the teen wolf fandom’s fic engagement rate was like //holds fingers very close together. this much. lotsa kudos but not much feedback which feels like a big crowd of people silently giving you a thumbs up. it’s awesome!! but i’d take comments over kudos any day ksjfhkdj

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

pacing/cohesion. this is something that my writing profs have rightfully chewed me out for several times. i have trouble making scenes go from one to the next so i very often resort to scene cuts or in built fic structures like the 5 + 1 to avoid making one flowing thing. of course, pacing differs in every story for stylistic and tone reasons (i often use it for comedic effect. like trying to emulate how it happens in movies like. NOTHING WILL GO WRONG //cut to everything going wrong) but i use scene cuts and choppy pacing so often that by now i realize it’s a crutch for how i cant string my scenes together very well.

exposition dump. you know that bit in a fic where everything is just Explained. yeah. yeah i do that and i hate it. 

wording. this is me being nitpicky now but i hate how i phrase things on a visceral level. it always feels overly pretentious. sometimes i read the things i write and i can hear my voice instead of the character’s voice and that isnt necessarily a bad thing but i do Not Like It At All.

rambly. slightly related to above.  if im not paying attention, i write like how i talk and my sentences just never end. i like a good long sentence as much as the next person but theres gotta be a good balance to it and i havent found that balance yet. lately ive also been reading some fics and stories that use a more concise writing style (shorter sentences, more focused on moving forward than describing, every detail like a gut punch) and it’s gorgeous. i really wanna learn to pack a punch in less words than more. 

i could....keep going....but i think thatd be going overboard. 

Now something you do like?

im told im funny and good at dialog. on good days i can believe this.

Tag People

hhhshfdkdfh i never tag anybody in these cuz im chicken but hey if u wanna do it, go for it!!! talking about writing is so much easier than writing after all ksjfkdjf

[incrediblysincere]

[with a fake moustache] yes hello, it is i, uh, anonymous. uh. so. that post with questions about ur gf... how about uh. all of them

1:  what color is her hair?

Brown but she sometimes dyes it red!

2:  what color are her eyes?

Brownish green and beautiful

3:  how old is she?

20!!

4:  how did you meet?

thru a skype group with friends babyeyyyy

5:  is she ticklish?

the most ticklish…. like i can flutter my eyelashes against her face and she’ll have a heart attack

6:  what’s her favorite song / band?

i dont think she has one :0

7:  what’s her favorite movie?

UMM this is a good question i know she likes star wars and muppet treasure island

8:  what’s her favorite book?

also a good question she has told me about a lot uhhh... i dont know i think shes like me and has read so many books she cant pick a favourite

9:  what’s her favorite tv show?

star trek or osomatsu-san maybe

10:  who is her celebrity crush?

me… just kidding i dont know probably every pretty woman (mood)

11:  does she have any pets? Are there any pets she wants? 

she has 2 cats!! she probabyl wants… more cats

12:  what’s a song that reminds you of her?

like a shit-ton my dude, i have a whole playlist of them. she keeps me warm is a lesbian classic though

13:  does she play any sports?

sports? in this economy? (no shes gay)

14:  what are your favorite things about her (physically) ?

um shes fuckin stunning?? she has really soft hair and skin thats like, almost translucent in places (that isnt a roast babe i love it) and adorable freckles and big doe eyes and the shape of her lips and the way she looks when shes wears glasses and her hands are small in a perfectly holdable way and her stomach and thighs have just a bit of fat so theyre soft and beautiful and shes so lovely and pretty and i love it  

15:  what are your favorite things about her (personality wise) ? 

shes so funny, she has a great sense of humour and makes me laugh and she’s really generous, she helps people whenever she can and shes kind and so optimistic and even in the darkest moments she can find humour… shes passionate about what she loves and shares that with other people, and she’s stubborn and tough and creative and beautiful inside and out and i love her so fucking much

16:  how does she dress?

very gay… she lives in ireland so lots of coats and jackets naturally, wears her beanie a lot, and of course hoodies (and she has a tank top im fucking gay for)… dare i say icon?

17:  what was your first date (ideal first date if she’s just a crush)

i mean we are long distance so our first technical date would have been when i first went to ireland? i guess the first or second day when she showed me around her town and we got breakfast

18:  what’s a tiny detail about her that she doesn’t realize you’ve noticed?

well i think she knows i know the irish-isms she uses (like, grand) i don’t know if she knows ive noticed the shape of her lips… i mean its something i tend to notice but its so delicate, and good and beautiful, and kissable

19:  what are her talents?

art?? she’s so good at art and always has unique ideas about character design, the same with writing, she’s such a good writer and i love the way she writes characters and describes things and she’s great

20:  write a tiny poem about her

when the sky is changing colours for you

it’s dark for me

but i don’t worry because even on this side of the world

you are in my thoughts

keeping them golden

(this sucks oops)

21:  Does she have a tumblr?

ya its @galioverkill go follow her

22:  what type of things make her laugh?

uh me, hopefully?? no she likes weird humour, mcelroys, and the like.

23:  what’s her star sign? Are you compatible according to astrology? 

shes leo and uhh

“As two fire signs, one of them fixed and one of them mutable, Leo and Sagittarius share a warm love for each other. When they start dating, their sexual relationship might come as a surprise for both of them, for they will feel liberated to be exactly who they are with each other.“

nice

24:  what’s some place she’s always wanted to travel?

i kno she wants to go to california and probably will and maybe i will be able to join her !!

25:  what’s something she’s super interested in? 

Dungeons and Dragons!! We are in a campaign togethre and its rly fun

26:  when did you realize you loved her?

oh man... our 2 year anniversary was about a month ago so it had to be about 2 years ago. i cant say exactly when but i know just the fact that she made me so happy and made me laugh... it was probably in dec/january of 2015/16 ish

27:  what’s her favorite food?

she really likes rare steak withe pepper sauce and actually she got me into eating steak lol...

28:  what’s a food she hates?

wine... sorry babe

29:  what’s her hogwarts house?

iirc ravenclaw but she thinks shes a slytherin

30:  is she more Earth, water, air, or fire?

she makes me think of fire mostly!!! but also some earth

31:  what’s something that makes her angry?

homophobes, uhhhh her dad sometimes i think... the usual kinds of things but she doesnt get angry often!!

32:  is she taller or shorter than you?

taller... by like 1 inch

34:  what’s her name

Gali (im not gonna drop her real name here)  

35:  what’s her aesthetic?

cracking fires, warm houses in the snow, cozy blankets, hot cocoa, holding hands, pale skin, cats, snowflakes on eyelashes, warmth.

36:  what’s the first present you bought her/ plan on buying for her

im trying to remember... it was probably either a pokemon plushie or a video game... (first thing she bought me was undertale before we were dating and o boy i was gay)

37:  is she an early bird or a night owl?

night owl (GO TO SLEEP)

38:  what about her do you brag the most about?

probably how cute she is... becuase... shes really cute

39:  is there any accessories she always wears/ brings with her?

she always wears her tree necklace and the half of a heart necklace i gave her and in winter her beanie

40:  is she a vegetarian?

see the “favourite food” question... (no.)

41:  what’s her favorite subject in school?

i dont know if she had one in school but in college it was probably her uhhhh... digital... something... sorry babe i forget but i know there was one you liked?

42:  what highschool cliche does she fit best (think that scene in mean girls) ?

nerd... listen. its true

43:  how long have you been dating/ crushing 

over 2 years!!

44:  describe her laugh 

adorable??? giggly?? its best when u tickle her

45:  does she wear makeup?

no lol (mood) we’re both lazy gnc thots

46:  what’s her favorite art medium? 

ummm she likes doing digital art and looking at it also... she really likes music too 

47:  does she play any instruments?

shes played the ukulele before and also she can sing (she has a beautiful voice)

48:  what animal does she identify most with?

i kno she really likes corvids like ravens and crows... idk if tehres one she specifically identifies aside from cats maybe 

49:  does she like camping (or the outdoors in general)

i dunno :0 i dont think she goes camping often ... wait... the Germany story... she used to be in the girl scouts so maybe yes

50:  post her picture if you have her permission

here she is resting on my shoulder when she was over here

finally finished this for valentines day... love you so much !!

[cauldronoflove]

Ok so this is really obscure, but I've had this idea for a while now, and I'd love to see you work with it? Headcanons for a time travel AU in which Peter Parker is messing with Stark Tech and gets sent back to the 1940s? He could work with Peggy Carter in the SSR to solve the case and pretend to be her little brother. Plus in 2017 Tony and Steve working together to get him back. If you think it's weird or want to skip it no worries! If not, then thank you so much, I love your headcanons!!

i love this concept so much you dont even know?? but also okay i realized abt halfway through these 2.5k+ words that this wasnt exactly what you asked for and i feel kinda bad about that but i hope you still like it all the same!! also i wanna say thank you for thinking of me for this prompt im super flattered????

- peter wasnt technically supposed to be in the 4th basement of stark tower

- technically he was on his lunch break and was supposed to be using said time to both eat and work on his spanish homework

- but he'd heard these whispers from a couple of the older interns about some of the old stuff that mr. stark had thrown down there because he never had time to finish them and peter had an idea

- see, he's been wanting to move up a bit, have mr. stark trust him a little more, and what's better then maybe taking one of his old designs and making it better and making it work

- so thats why he's in the fourth basement of stark tower, trying to remember if he's had his tetanus shot because some of this stuff is seriously Old

- and then he stumbles onto this little pyramid shaped....doohickey

- its the only thing in 4 floors of Things that doesnt have a label or a file or a crude drawing taped to the front of it so now peter is Officially Curious

- he kinda fiddles with it for a few minutes until his phone beeps with his 'hey pete youre gonna be super late getting back to work again' alarm and he about drops this thing on the floor because like everyday the alarm scares him to death

- but because hes clumsy and because hes pete he actually does drop it and everything goes black

- but everything's fine because he wakes right back up and he's pretty sure that he electrocuted himself but thats happened dozens of times so he picks himself up and brushes himself off and realizes that he may have been out longer than he thought because theres fewer boxes in the room than before and geez his head hurts

- "are you quite alright?"

- oh god he mustve hit his head harder than he thought because that looks like

- "m-miss carter, no sorry, ma'am? oh, oh god i'm so sorry that was so rude, agent? agent ma'am?"

- "this is howard's fault isnt it"

- "howard? as in....oh god oh god"

- "do you know where you are?"

- peter parker loved a lot of things and one of those things was museums and one of those museums in particular had an exhibit on a certain mr. rogers and adjacent to that exhibit was a small plaque about the woman standing in front of him and oh god he was going to hyperventilate and throw up in front of a literal legend and hero at the same time

- "remind me to kill him later. right now lets get you something warm to drink, yes? maybe some new clothes, youre looking a little singed"

- flash forward half an hour and he's sitting in front of the agent carter sipping at some terribly bitter coffee while she pursed and unpursed her lips a few times

- (annnnd time skip back to present day)

- friday: mr stark theres a woman downstairs beating on the door asking for youtony, 47 names going through his head: ...go on

- enter may parker, in her pjs, fire in her eyes, carrying on the legacy of brunette women ready to end a stark's life

- "it is ten o'clock on a school night, i've talked to ned, i've talked to mj and liz, i've talked to every corner sub shop owner, i even had a nice long chat with pepper, yet no one could tell me anything so you better have answers as to where my nephew is anthony"

- and in that moment, tony stark's life flashed before his eyes

- "hey, friday, where is the kid?"

- "peter's vitals havent been detected since 1:32pm on floor D"

- tony: fu-

- (back to pete and peggy)

- so he's quickly caught her up on the gist of whats going on (aka he told her he's from 2017 ny and hed really just like to go home) and she's taking it surprisingly well, all nodding and hmm-ing and cursing howard stark under her breath, kinda how may is when tony does like.. anything

- but now shes leading him through their super secret base and he's trying not to stare because, has he mentioned, hes literally standing next to peggy carter

- "right, well, here's your cot. if you need anything, dugan can help you. he's that one, there, with the cigar. you get some rest and i'll find howard and see if we cant get your...issue squared away. oh, and whatever you do, dont accept anything dernier tries to give you, you've already blown up once today, i dont think you can afford another"

- present day

- tony's been working through the night, a marginally-more-than-slightly disgruntled may beside him, and an even-more-than-marginally-more-than-slightly peeved happy beside her

- ("how do you lose a teenage boy, tony" happy moans to his phone when he wakes up and sees all the missed calls and texts he has)

- good news: it only took like 2 1/2 hours and three shots of espresson for tony to figure out what happened to peter

- bad news: it wasnt even a Tony Stark Exclusive Design, it was a Howard Stark One-Time Use That Was Actually A Malfunction Design, he'd had several more coffees that werent even close to being strong enough, and he had a growing black eye from the punch may landed before happy could pull her away and calm her down (maybe that last part should be in the good news column)

- "so he's just stuck in the 40s alone, then" may surmises, rubbing at the tension headache in her temples

- tony doesnt respond because at this point he needs his other eye for miracle working and depth perception

- "well, probably not alone," happy begins. "i catalogued everything in that level, and that stuff came from one of howard's london facilities, so it was probably calibrated for that time, so he's probably with-"

- tony: "hap, please dont finish that sentence"

- may: "1940s london. so he's with steve, then, safe. with captain america. okay, i can handle that."

- tony: "no, ah, a little later than capsicle, probably"

- may: "so not safe with captain america"

- happy: "safe with agent carter, more likely"

- pete and peggy

- good news: pete made it through the night without being blown up by the howling commandoes

- bad news: once howard was finally located and sobered up, he explained that he hadnt built that particular device yet, so peter was kinda stuck

- peter wasnt coping well

- "i have a spanish test tomorrow! and a trig test on friday! and i'm supposed to hang out with ned on saturday, and then may's gonna kill me when i dont show up for sunday dinner, and shes gonna kill me in general because i never checked in because holy shit i never checked in!"

- howard: peggy he's crying what do i do

- peggy: do i have to do everything myself

- she advances on peter and takes his chin in her hand, locking eyes with him: peter, you know who i am, dont you?

- he nods as best as he can

- "then you must know that i'm going to do everything in my power and then some to get you back home, dont you?"

- "yes ma'am"

- "good. go take a walk while i talk to howard, and if anyone asks, youre my american brother in for a short visit." and then she pats him on the cheek and his soul kinda ascends then and there because agent carter just patted him on the cheek AND gave him permission to tell people he's her brother

- so he goes to take his walk but the thing is when he gets anxious, he likes to fiddle with the loose legos he keeps under his bed, building and rebuilding tiny structures to help ease his nerves

- needless to say, he's an Absolute Nervous Wreck while he waits for some kind of something from peggy or howard and there arent any legos to keep him busy

- so he kind of takes that walk right on down to the lab and starts poking around because even if he is a certified nervous wreck he's also thr most inquisitive little shit that ever did walk the earth

- peggy finds him two hours later with a pair of loose fitting goggles on his forehead, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and some . substance on his hands

- "please dont tell me youre somehow howard's long lost son too," she says, taking his appearance in

- he shakes his head as the beakers in front of him emit a puff of green smoke directly into his already scrunched up face "no ma'am; it's just that mr. stark kinda has me on desk duty and never lets me get my hands dirty so i like to take every oppurtunity i can get"

- she nods, "good, because howard needs you to describe what you remember of the device, and then you and i are going to begin the slog through the logistics of it all"

- "ooooookay"

- which is how peter parker ends up sitting across from peggy carter, the both of them scribbling extremely advanced mathematics onto yellowing sheets of paper as howard stark tinkered with some spare parts he had lying around as he tried to construct a crude rendering of the device

- peggy mostly doesnt talk, actually, she hasnt spoken since explaining that shed picked her math skills up on an assignment shed once had where she learned she actually loved numbers and then howard had been letting her do calculations for him in her free time

- peter was too impressed to respond bc from what he gathered she'd only been on that mission for six months and she didnt have much free time which meant she'd had to pick it all up FAST

- anyway, they got at that for hours, until peter cant keep his eyes open and even howard is dwindling; peggy waves them both off to bed but stays and keeps scribbling away

- they repeat that routine for 3 days

- on the 5th night, after she waves them off, peter goes to his cot and he tosses and turns for hours, listening to the commandoes play poker and crack jokes, but he cant sleep

- finally he gets up and just starts walking, anywhere his feet take him

- coincidentally, his feet take him past what he quickly realizes is peggy's room

- "peter why are you still up? is everything all right?" she asks, pulling off these big hulking glasses that made him incredibly homesick because she reminds him so much of may in that moment, big glasses on, hunched over a book in her lap, hair pulled back out of her face

- and he apologizes, but she Knows something's terribly wrong, so she gets up and ushers him away from her doorway, and leads him down a hall or two and then theyre standing in an open space, and she's looking at him like shes trying to solve one of her equations

- "do you know how to throw a punch, peter"

- " whatever youre thinking i dont think its a good idea we dont have any gear and i dont want to get hurt-"

- she shakes her head and asks again, and he finally answers with a kinda

- "'kinda' will get you hurt; watch me" and she begins to demonstrate a few slow punches and he follows her movements and tries to copy them but hes a little sloppy but its ok because she corrects him and finally theyre just standing beside one another counting out punches when she asks "whats on your mind"

- and he doesnt even hesitate he just lets loose everything, how much he misses may and how terrible he feels that he cant get in touch with her, how much he misses ned and mj and liz, how much he misses his fire escape and the deli on the corner and the buildings and then he's crying again, but she gracefully doesnt point it out

- once he's done spitting out everything thats bothering him she gets this kind of sad smile and says, "you remind me of a man i knew. he cared so much about his friends, sometimes to the point of not even worrying about himself, whuch meant he was always in some sort of trouble, as you can imagine. but he always found his way out of a problem, even if he was the one who created it." she laughs slightly then. "i guess what i'm getting at is even if i cant get you back home, even if howard cant, i believe that youll figure it out."

- "are you comparing me to captain anerica right now because i'm already crying and i dont think i can take much more" he says through sniffles, his arms slack by his sides now

- she smiles and nods, keeping her stance, and peter feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this amazing woman who immediately helped him without much of a pause and who's made sure he was okay for the past 5 days and who's up at god knows what time showing him how to throw a punch and being his borderline therapist and he just wants to give her something in return

- "im not sure if im supposed to do this, because for all i know it could tear a hole in the fabric of time and space but i really want to show you this," he begins, pulling his wallet put of his pocket.

- he flicks the little photo holders out and theres may, and theres ned and mj and liz, and theres that cat he found that one time, and theres him and tony, and there, at the bottom, is the time he officially met steve after the whole fight thing and all

- "this was taken a couple months ago; well, a couple months for me, it's decades from now, but here," and he holds out his wallet for her to see and she looks over the photo curiously before she understands and a tear slips down her cheek and she smiles the most grand smile

- "thank you, peter" and she passes the wallet back and puts her hand on his shoulder and says "i promise i'll have you home in time for sunday dinner"

- and she does